Chicken Poop from the Hole: The Defecatory Precursor Edition
by ILYAN KEI LAVANWAY
Price: $11.95
128 Pages, Paperback, 5.25 x 8.25
ISBN-10: 0-9768004-1-1 ISBN-13: 978-0-9768004-1-5
NEW BOOK BY LAVANIMAL ECLIPSES SOUTH PARK FOR GROTESQUE HUMOR AND OUTRAGEOUS INSIGHTS INTO LIFE'S CONUNDRUMS. Exploiting life's adversities, Lavanimal masterfully paints analogies that ring true with religious fervor (he's a devout Mormon as well as a complete moron). Lavanimal's explosively descriptive imagery will indelibly stain the toilet bowl of your mind! A plethora unmentionable chapters, including a unique peek into the true meaning of a decades-old Church Primary song, will spark off a duck-fit in the most serious moments of your life
About The Author
LAVANIMAL is a vastly misunderstood enigma who views mortal life from an eternal perspective that is profoundly repulsive yet simply accurate. He shares insights you'll never forget. He prostitutes his own afflictions for a few cheap laughs. His book is downright paradoxical. Applicable to all ages. Inappropriate for any age. That's exactly why you're buying it!
Reviews
"Chicken Poop from the Hole" by Ilyan Kei Lavanway, a.k.a Lavanimal, is unlike
any book you may have ever read before. Focusing on the frailties and
adversities that afflict mortal life, this compilation of anecdotes and real
life experiences is brimful of scatological humor that borders on the outrageous
and obnoxious. Lavanimal's disclaimer states, "WARNING: Lude, Crude, Rude, and
Socially Unacceptable. Read at your own risk!" If you are squeamish or
scandalized by toilet humor, "Chicken Poop from the Hole" is definitively not
for you. However, if you need a "butt-load of humor" to cheer you up and dispel
your gloominess or you would like a fresh and hilarious insight into your
"shituation," this book is definitely recommended.
With a forthright candor and an ability to laugh at himself, Lavanimal draws
scatological analogies to everything in life. His stories range from ordinary
events to the most painful experiences, from childhood memories to present-day
professional problems, and from his experiences as a missionary to that as a
certified nurse assistant at a geriatric care facility. According to Lavanimal,
you cannot control the "swirl of the toilet bowl of life," but you can certainly
choose to be a floater instead of a sinker and find humor amidst the worst of
circumstances and situations. Although he is beset by a host of health problems
and has endured a lot of "crap" as an officer in the United States Air Force,
the author shares how he has faced his challenges and hardships with a sense of
humor and without wallowing in self-pity.
While recounting his experiences, Lavanimal is absolutely unmindful of being
subtle and inoffensive in his graphic details. His "shit-shack short-liners" and
poems are equally shocking. An example of his vivid descriptions is, "Seismic
reverberations propagating from the depths of my rectal epicenter warned me of a
tectonic bowel movement in play." Another gem is, "A fart is actually a bowel-
generated aerosol propellant for microscopic defecatory particulates." A
particularly interesting analogy he gives is, "As a simple clap or shout sets
off an avalanche on snow-laden mountain terrain, an internal tremor caused by
sulfurous methane bubbles in the upper bowels resonated through my intestinal
topography, triggering a titanic assvalanche!"
Besides his real life stories and perceptive insights, the author shares
invaluable tips too. He explains how to raise a stink if you are pissed off with
your superiors, what you can do to prevent someone from accidentally shutting
the lights off on you when you are in a restroom "unloading your colon," or how
to wake up a slumbering partner by teasing the person's olfactory nerve with a
whiff of "sulfurous squalor."
Beware! By the end of "Chicken Poop from the Hole," you are likely to explode
with "heinous paroxysms of hilarity." However, if you dislike this book, follow
the suggestion given by Lavanimal at the outset, "Just tear out the pages and
wipe your butt with them."
BookWire Review
September 9, 2005
"Oh, what have I spawned!" - Author's own mother
NEW BOOK ECLIPSES SOUTH PARK FOR GROTESQUE DISRESPECT AND ANECDOTAL BLOWOUTS
From Home to Office, Bathroom Reading just got Power Flushed!
LOS ANGELES, Calif. - Jun. 9, 2005 - Bitblasters Gargantus Incorporated (www.BitblastersDVD.com) has just published CHICKEN POOP FROM THE HOLE: The Defecatory Precursor Edition, by Lavanimal, The Repulsive One, King of Disgust! Retail price is $11.95 and worth every penny! Buy now, and catch a load of this freak show! Lavanimal defines toilet humor like Elvis defined Rock and Roll. This book is beyond offensive! Decimating those of cowardly disposition, it will rip open your bowels, reach in and yank out your soul, flog it against the ground and urinate on it without a twinge of remorse.
Disturbing, Vile, Abhorrent! Wrought with ripe play on words! Lavanimal shamelessly prostitutes his own afflictions for a few cheap laughs. Conceited, narcissistic, decisively belligerent, seething, and utterly stuck on himself, Lavanimal inflates his own ego while spewing forth valuable and unforgettable insights with raw and uncensored candor.
Exploiting life's adversities, Lavanimal masterfully paints analogies that ring true with religious fervor (he's a devout Mormon as well as a complete moron) while at the same time inducing vomitous paroxysms that heave his point home. Lavanimal's explosively descriptive imagery will indelibly stain the toilet bowl of your mind!
Are you looking for innovative ways to handle your conundrum? Find out how your well your coping powers measure up! Can you deal with it? Chapter titles like PIGS, FARTING A LOT IN THE PARKING LOT, CORN RACING, POPPED A CHERRY AT A CHURCH DANCE, GLACIOVOLCANIC SCATOLOGY, GAMBLE GAS, FARTS PER MILLION, LET YOUR LIGHT SO SHINE, CHICKEN BURGER INCIDENT, and a plethora of other unmentionables, including a unique peek into the true meaning of a decades-old Church Primary song, will spark off a duck-fit in the most serious moments of your life.
Do you think your life is in shambles? Oprah just doesn't do it for you? No Balm in Gilead? Can't find any Soup for the Soul? Lavanimal reams you a new one and pumps you full of CHICKEN POOP FROM THE HOLE!
You won't have time to reach for a barf bag; use your shirt! Reading CHICKEN POOP FROM THE HOLE, or just glimpsing its cover, will fill you with self-righteous indignation and plunge you into premature incontinence.
Catheters and Colostomy Bags not included.
Order CHICKEN POOP FROM THE HOLE with Original Limited Release Cover (ISBN 0-9768004-0-3) or with Alternate Cover (ISBN 0-9768004-1-1).
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Customer Reviews
Patrick Kendall from Lehi , UT
While this book might not be for everyone, there is no denying that if you have even the slightest appreciation of potty humor then Chicken Poop from the Hole is easily the book of choice.
Lavanimal writes in a style that must be experienced to understand. His "medically correct" teminology combined with his outrageous and disgusting real life stories will leave you amazed and amused beyond belief.
Like many of the hardcore thrill rides at amusement parks that are accompanied by a warning sign, the same applies to Chicken Poop from the Hole. If you are easily offended or haven't got a stomach for 100% raw potty humor, then don't even think about getting on this roller coaster of toilet tales and outlandish thinking! But if you are one of those people willing to take the risk, the laughter payoff is well worth it. This book will flush your mental toilet time and time again!
